I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
