I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
