He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
