So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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