Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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