did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
