Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
