Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize