You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
