I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
