Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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