How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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