She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
