I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
