its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
