I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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