Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
