He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
