I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's shark week go big or go home
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
