I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
