U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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