how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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