hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
