i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
