I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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