just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
