Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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