is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
