I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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