I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
