My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
