I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
