What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What a dumb baby whore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
