He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
