If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
