I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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