bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
