how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
