I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
