i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize