I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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