Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
