Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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