worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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