your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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