The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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