I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
