ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
