Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
