I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
