If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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