Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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