i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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