i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
