so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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