I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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