The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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