he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it because I queefed?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
