i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
