we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
