This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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