I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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