McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
In America we eat man semen.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
