are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
