New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
