McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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