I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
