I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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