shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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