you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
